I have been meaning to update for quite a while, but as you know life is fast. I was trying to come up with what to say about where we are at and I feel like I could talk endlessly. So I decided to break it down for you.
The GOOD...first of all God is good (HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT)! Now more adoption specific goodness. We have made huge strides in the mountains of paperwork we need to complete, and by complete I mean fill out, get notarized and then get apostilled (fancy state stamp). Sometimes I feel like I have signed my name hundreds of times, but that is just how it goes. We are also making HUGE strides in our homestudy and it has actually been a lot of fun hashing out different aspects of our adoption with a third party, who really seems to want the best for us and our new boy. I have my individual meeting tomorrow and we have one more couples meeting, and then we will be DONE! We just have some classes to take and of course papers to get in and we should be able to submit our homestudy real SOON! I cannot even express how exciting that is!
The Bad...I will not dwell on the bad for very long, its really not in my personality to even focus on it a little but it exists and therefore should be mentioned for a moment...we had paperwork ruined a week or so ago that ended up spiraling me into a weepy mess. I don't think I have ever in my life left a library feeling so sad (yes actually crying). We were set up to knock 20+ documents off our check list and I watched as a notary messed them up in pretty much every way she could of thought possible. I was so mad I couldn't even speak (and for those of you who know me speechlessness isn't something that comes naturally). I quickly saved as many documents as I could (she hadn't touched) and we left. I cried, Derek encouraged, defeat set in. I am sad to say that for a few hours I let the bad consume me.
It is really funny that paperwork can send me into such a funk, but its actually not that uncommon in the adoption world. Paperwork is so important. While I was in my funk, I reached out to our adoption online community and they reassured me that I was normal (HA, who would have thought!) So we pressed on!
I will not give any more air time to the bad, its undeserving and a time vortex. Instead I will tell you about something that has been on my heart lately. There is a song, "Oceans" by Hillsong United, I cannot even tell you how many times this summer/fall at different events I have sang this song, I have prayed this song and it hit me recently how powerful and somewhat terrifying following through on those words have been.
They go:
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"
I was reminded this week, by another mom who had previously adopted, about this song, and it hit me, this is still my battle cry. These words are still my prayer. I am not sure why God has called us at this time to adopt. It is hard, it is scary and it is for sure HIS timing. He has called us to uncharted waters and he will guide us. I have to remind myself of this all the time, when I look at the goal of about $16000 and wonder where this money is going to come from, or when I am feeling stretched to my very core by my current sweet boy, or when paperwork is destroyed. I have to lean in, we have to lean in. God has a plan and he has shown us over and over that he has us in his hands but in our nature we question, we cry out we get ruffled. We are human. Looking back, knowing what I know now, would I have skipped this song? Would I have said the words with any less meaning? No. I am excited about what God is doing in my family and even in the middle of moments of fear he is present and loving and he is worthy of all the sacrifice and struggle. He after all is so GOOD!
So friends be encouraged, whatever is going on in your life, whatever ocean, whatever storm, keep looking up and if you think of us pray. Keep praying we need it :) also if you feel lead to give financially, feel free we can use every penny!
http://reecesrainbow.org/85867/sponsorbenz
